A Message to Me

My sister sent this video to all the moms in our family. I loved it. The messages from other moms and the song were quite touching and made me think. With my nearly nineteen years of being a mother, what valuable piece of advice would I want to share with the young, inexperienced and terrified me?

There are really many things--some would apply mostly to me, but a few would sound just like the lines we've heard from our mothers and grandmothers for generations.

I'd tell myself that no matter the complications, getting the baby here is the most important thing. Don't feel bad about having to have c-sections. It doesn't mean you failed.

I'd tell myself that sometimes the doctors don't know what they're talking about and if you have to fight and nag and annoy to get what your daughter needs, go ahead and fight and nag and annoy.

I'd tell myself that being a mom hurts, that every bit of teenage angst and insecurity is tripled or quadrupled when you're watching your child go through it, but that if you love them, they'll be okay.

I'd tell myself that it's okay to cry--sometimes because you're happy and sometimes because your heart is breaking.

I'd tell myself to get up a little earlier in the morning, so that everything can run a little smoother. I'd tell myself that sending your children out the door after harsh words makes for a very long and difficult day.

I'd tell myself not to forget to smile and laugh, no matter how out of control life feels.

I'd tell myself that I was about to win the lottery--four times.

I'd tell myself that I was giving birth to four completely different people, with different talents, strengths, and personalities and that I'd be wise not to compare them to each other.

I'd tell myself to pray, and then pray again, and then have courage to follow my heart.

I'd tell myself that from the time I first held my babies in my arms until I sent them away to college was going to feel like eighteen months instead of eighteen years and that everyone who said to enjoy the moment and don't wish the days away was right.

What would you tell yourself?


Leslie said...

i would tell myself to try not to tell my child to 'hold on a sec' or 'wait a minute' very often.
i would tell myself to weigh the importance of what i am busy with the importance of what my son wants me to help him with or what he wants to show me.

i would tell myself to be more patient.

i would tell myself to let things get messy more often. play in the mud more often, finger paint more often.

what a blessing that my son is still young enough that i should be doing these things that i am telling myself to do.

Lisa said...
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Lisa said...
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mormon birth mom said...

I try to do the things I wish my parents did more often: say I love you, hug a lot, say I'm sorry when I'm wrong, encourage, ask, communicate, discuss religion, and take time to just "be".

Rebecca Talley said...

Spend more time with the kids and less time cleaning the house. Take time to enjoy the little things.

Mindy said...

Everyone says it, and you know it, but REALLY BELIEVE IT: They grow up so fast... you blink, and they're grown.

Write things down. You think you'll remember those cute and funny things, but you won't. Write down even the little things, because even the basics of what they were like as a baby will be a really really fuzzy memory.

When your kids act up it's not always a reflection of you and your parenting. Relax a little and don't worry that everyone is judging you.

Love them. It will be hard some days to like them, but always always love them.

Christensen family said...

I'd tell myself to laugh a little more.

Chores will always be there, so let them be somedays and spend time doing something fun with the kids.

Keep a journal for each of your kids... just write simple notes to them as they grow and give it to them the day they move out.

I love all the other thoughts! Thanks :)

Tawnie said...

Love it!!
I can't give myself or anyone else advice right now. There is way too much that needs tweaked. You know those being too hard on yourself moments when you just can't seem to do any of it right?! Yeah.
So there you go...........I guess don't be so hard on yourself. :)
And the going through the teenage years is going to be even harder as the mom. amen. I find myself worrying more about friends and all that jazz way more than they are.
i have so much to learn.
Thanks for sharing.

Alison said...

*I would tell myself that it is okay to accept help from others...even when everything inside of me is saying that I should be able to do it myself.
*I would tell myself that it is very important to nurture strong friendships with other moms...we are all in this together.
*I would tell myself to always make time for helping in my kids school classes...a lot can be learned about watching them interact with other kids.
*I would tell myself that when the promptings to have baby #5 start tapping my spirit...to listen and not question for so long. Then pray for help and prepare to take on the newborn phase again.
*I would tell myself that each one of my children will do things in their own time. Be patient and loving...just how my mom was.

Lisa said...

i have way too much that i'd say to myself. i guess if i had to pick one it would be to tell myself to LISTEN. listen to yourself. listen to your kids. listen to your promptings. just shut up and listen.

Christie said...

I would tell myself to worry less about a clean house and spend more time playing with them. They're only little once. And, man, does it go fast.

Aim Aug said...

I had my first child right after 9/11/2001. I felt horrible bringing a child into such a terrible world with people doing horrific things to each other. I would tell myself that just because the world is in disarray, doesn't mean my family will be. I would tell myself to enjoy it more, and worry about the world less. As long as our home is in order, my children will be okay. I would tell myself to say I love you every chance I get. Can't express that enough.

Best of the Batemans... said...

I smiled, then cried and as my 5 year old walked down the stairs and asked, "Mom, what are you watching?" I asked for a hug and kiss... He did it and climbed on my lap. They are worth every tear and worry a mother will ever have. WE CAN DO IT.

Kristi said...

Lighten up and allow yourself to be the fun parent more often. Write down the funny phrases and stories from each kid. You WILL forget if you don't. Take loads of pictures. Take the time to love on them and hug them more. Reach deep into your pocket of reserved patience when it comes time for potty training. You will need it.

Unknown said...

I would tell myself that being a mother definitely means that I have made the decision to allow my heart to walk around outside my body (3 times) and that there is not a more beautiful sight than seeing your husband snuggle with your little one or giving a hug to a teenager when he/she has made a poor decision and is working on making better ones.

I would also tell myself that it is ok to cry when your oldest child drives out of the driveway the first time or when you begin to think of them leaving home.

Last, I would tell myself that when a person takes my child by the hand, he/she takes the his/her mother by the heart.

Unknown said...

love them
love them everyday
Sorry, Karey, too painful. No time to finish this tonight & deal with the pain.
Because in spite of all the good and bad, right and wrong you do...they may still make really rotten choices and break your heart.
And then one day, she says "Mom, you did a good job, you raised me right. Thank you." Even when she's living against everything you ever taught her.
Sorry young moms with babes still at home. I was there once. I weep for lost chances.
All I can do now is love them. Love them everyday.

RAH said...

I would say that being a mother is the toughest job on the planet. You are given this little person who is so connected to you from the very beginning. You have the opportunity to love, nurture, and teach this child, experience joy, happiness frustration and pain. The desire to control is very strong because after all you know best.....or your want what is best.

This for me is the hardest part. I have had to realize that these little souls have personality's, spirit's of their own. To help them to be who they need to be is quite a daunting task, especially in the times we live in. So knowing when to let go and asking for help and support when needed is a good thing. Loving and enjoying them through each phase is a joy but can also be very painful.

I still have quite a long journey ahead of me and although it may be the toughest job there is not one more rewarding:)